Sunday, 05 September 2010

  • Just When

    it seems that you've figured out your life something throws a wrench into it. Things change. I have never had a shock in my own life as when my mother passed away.This,even as a Christian,has been difficult to deal with.i cannot control my own feelings.All i have is trust in Divine Providence that in the end the questions will be answered.I will see mom and dad again.

    That all the imperfect love we have for each other here will be perfect there.I am actually looking forward to the Second Coming of Christ. It will all be over.The things that didn't matter will finally end.

     

    For now,it is even dificult to struggle with things like ego,pride, day to day matters.

    How do we keep these things tamped down and our eyes on what is to come?

    I've lost so much in this life.What i did not want to lose.

    Here I am trying become detached from other things that really don't matter. It's not easy.God gives grace-we get in the way.

    I lost my own grandchildren.God permited children that had no one to enter our life.

    I lost my own son-God permitted a daughter that also lost her mother and father.

    We moved from a second floor apartment to a large double wide.

    I have thought so many times how my parents would have loved this place;but then if my parents were alive we would still be in the second floor apartment.I would give anything.

    Meantime i keep waiting for a sign from God that we have made our peace and need patience.When we pray to God for answers we want them in our time.

    I know i must learn to be patient and wait for God to answer when He feels it is best.

    I also went to our famiy reunion.i was ill and wasn't up to going but husband said i had to go because it meant so much.i did and didn't stay long.

    It didn't go well. I almost think now it would have been better to stay home and rest.However, i did get to see people i wanted to see.

    Then i wondered too if my brother had rec'd an invitation. If he didn't i would definitely NOT have gone. It wouldn't be right if everyone rec'd an invitation but him.

    I took for granted they contacted him. I have talked to him since and it's funny he didn't mention it.

    Now i'm put in the position of asking him outright and that might cause huirt feelings more than if i just left it alone.Still,he might know anyway.I probably need to put this to rest.For his benefit.Not mine.Then i will let him know that i didn't have any idea.

    Finally,i have just come to accept that this is the way life is going to be from here out and this is how it is going to end.

    There is nothing i can do about it except pray and that for now is the prayer to accept what i have probably brought on myself.

    The marriage is going well but the husband is very ill.

    Maybe he is thinking things through a little better.

    Suffering gives a whole different perspective.He's in a lot of pain.

    I'm just strauggling with menniere's and emotions...faith that all things work out for a reason and hope that i am doing God's will as best as possible.

    I know i could do better but pride and ego get in the way.

    This is the real battle.


     

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